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I guess it's safe to say sincerity is a lost art these days. - mega_mega
mega_mega
mega_mega
I guess it's safe to say sincerity is a lost art these days.
I can't sleep. I decided to take a nap and it lasted longer than I wanted it to. I woke up at like 8:58 pm. So I guess this means I'm not going to Film tomorrow. But I'll make it to Socio because of Dominick of course. No, I actually like that class. Dom has a girlfriend anyway who I swear is a model. She treats him like shit and is always yelling at him. I'm completely jealous of her. I've never seen her wear the same shoes twice. But I don't see her daily so..

So, I have a meeting with BiteTV's producers on Thursday. The email they sent me said the contract is 7 months and $200/day. So if I get the job, it looks like I'd have to pick between school and the job. I'm hoping they don't like me because I actually like school. It actually scares me to think that I won't be in school one day. 

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My dream date would be:

 a night at a drive-in theatre watching a terrible horror movie. Bad horror movies are hilarious. 

or 

a day at the beach when it's completely foggy. Have you ever been to the beach when it's foggy? Absolutely gorgeous. 

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I wish I knew someone like Chloe O'brien because I don't know shit about computers. I mean look at this LJ. It's so effing boring. My myspace was the same (before Facebook took over. Which I'm still angry at. Myspace actually had music on it). All I know about computers is how to use the internet. 

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I had the saddest conversation with my mom today. She was drunk and asked me if I'd visit when I move out (I'm moving out in July WOO). I told her "obviously. I'm going to need to do laundry somewhere." Then she asked me if I'd still visit after I get washing machines and I thought about it because I seriously don't know if I would. And all she said was "It's okay, we stopped being a family a long time ago. That's my fault. I failed as a mother." 

Instead of comforting her I just walked away.  It's kind of true though. We're not really a family anymore. This last Christmas was terrible. I woke up at 2 in the afternoon, opened my presents, didn't wait for dinner and went to see Dreamgirls. I seriously didn't feel bad about it til now. 

Everything just seems to be getting worse and worse. I'm a worse person than I thought I was. I'll make it up to them on Valentine's though. I swear it. 

I cried today, though. Which is good since I'd almost forgotten how to.
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I ignored all of my phonecalls today. All except Rachel's. She was downtown when I finished class today so we got something to eat. I finally asked her why she thinks I'll turn out to be a lesbian and she said "gay people know gay people". What the fuck? 

I told her how shocked I still am that she's a lesbian and that she didn't look like one. She completely blew up on me when I said that. I'm never going to talk to her about her sexual orentiation again. I still don't get how that offended her. 

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Kyle called me a gazillion times today. I assume it's to ask me why I didn't show up to his house yesterday. My brother told me he showed up to my house today which is weird. A small part of me wants to get back with him. I like the idea that we could just pick up where we left off. When we broke up, I wanted to be able to open to him but I just wasn't up to it for some reason. But the bad out weighs the good, I guess. 

Man, I should really get to bed. Now my whole sleep schedule is going to be out of whack. I should've never taken that nap.

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Does anyone know what Patrick Stump is saying in Thriller? It sounds like a bunch of noise strung together nicely in a tune. 

I'm going to make this a friends only journal soon. I'm pretty sure no one I know has an LJ but I'll keep it locked just to be safe.

Current Location: My bedroom
Current Music: What I Wanted - Nelly Furtado

4 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
From: pink_lemons Date: February 8th, 2007 03:14 am (UTC) (Link)
If I didn't feel so lazy right now, I'd grab the cd pamphlet and type out the lyrics. LoL

I am sorry about your mother. Just remember to practice kindness, even when the other person doesn't seemingly deserve it/you feel like it'll kill you. It's amazing how much different/better you'll feel knowing that you did the right thing/kept the peace. It doesn't mean you have to be like "you're the best mom in the world" - just kind of show love and kindness and don't give back the same aggression she might've shown you.

And I'm sorry if that was none of my business.
mega_mega From: mega_mega Date: February 8th, 2007 07:17 am (UTC) (Link)
See, that's the thing, my mother has been nothing but good to me. Maybe a little too good. And I've done nothing but take advantage of that. I've never been mean or cruel to her. I just haven't cared or payed any attention to her. It's hard to explain.

And thanks for the much needed advice. I appreciate it more than you think I do.
From: psuedonymous_x Date: September 4th, 2007 02:32 pm (UTC) (Link)

I can't really help...

With the whole mother thing, seeing as I have no idea what has happened and besides the fact that it's not really any of my business to give you advice, I'm just plain not good at giving advice. So, sorry about that.
I suppose I'll have to add you as a friend then? :)
mega_mega From: mega_mega Date: September 4th, 2007 04:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: I can't really help...

We just sort of grew apart. Nothing major really happened. All I cared about during high school was friends and boys and she didn't want to restrain me. I was always pushing her away and she eventually left me alone.
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